Brown Motion

To add color to a humdrum day one can resort to thinking how conversations might flow if you were henceforth called WHAT. In America lot of the inane greetings and questions would take on a whole new hue.  My barista in the morning takes my tea request and wants to pencil my name on the cup to identify my container for the assembly line mixing the drinks.   So what is the name?  To that the response could be - YES.  So she comes back with - I'm sorry - what is your name?  So you patiently confirm - Yes. She is now miffed and the line behind me has started growing.  So she decides to write YES on the cup, somewhat puzzled that its a name.   So being indifferent to the whole exercise I move on and wait to get the beverage. The orders start getting shunted out at the pick up window.  Chai for Yes - he yells.  So someone looks at it and asks What?  So I say Yes.  So he goes - really YES?  So I say - No its What. Still confounded he says - I know it says YES.  Can you believe

As silly promises go there are those that in some variation or another are made or as they say taken by the parties getting married.  Holy is how this union is described.  There are holes in the whole scam alright.  First - who is this guy in the middle making the uniting people take the promises?  When did we start inviting him/her? One may say the process is defined by religion and the script tuned to suit the religious beliefs of those that are involved in this union.   (Reminds me of a recent joke about the wife leaving her husband on religious grounds - he thought he was God - she did not). I think the key words are missing in these scripts - as they are in all union contracts. 'I shall not strike' would be a start.  I mean you rarely have an army go on strike - we are busy bombing Iraq and suddenly word comes from the front - the 8th brigade has struck.  Not Saddam's bunker but men and women in uniform (that is another classic  - why can't  I fight in my under

'Chilled' Beer on a sweltering day comes to mind.  But of course that is not the purpose of this blog. Its about the variety of silly things we humans have been involved with which seriously puts a dent in our race to be the smarter species.  Flock of migrating snow geese have more sense. So on the subject of vows - that itself is indicative of what is lacking in society.  We have to promise, take vows, and so on for everything from practicing medicine (forget the real stuff), to getting betrothed (more on this priest/salesman in a frock later), to ensuring our money will be worth something tomorrow.  Each dollar bill is a promissory note backed by the full (not partial mind you) faith of the Federal Reserve. So what is with all these promises?  Are we still in kindergarten?  I promise I will bring you a lollipop tomorrow if you let me kiss you today.  Well maybe not kiss but you get the idea. Then there is the hilarity of the 'breaking a promise' that inevitably

As far as jackass commentary about the state of our state or union or these 50 US goes it gets predictably retarded as days go by. Well for starters not since 1995 we shut our shit again.  As in the Federales went on an unplanned but completely predictable hiatus.  Its also referred to as the US government shutdown. Why did we shutdown?  Because the Prez could not or did not make enough effort to reach across the aisles (pron - Ayeels).  I did not know he was shopping groceries for so long.  What aisles are these?  And who came up with the dumb pronunciation for this word anyway? And no its not Isles its Aisles.  Bipartisanship is dead is why.  No wonder - never heard of this ship before till now.  Not here nor near any isles. Then there is the fix to fix this mess.  It requires good old western type GANGS to be created.  There have been gangs of five then gangs of eight and more gangs of other idiots.  All they have done is gone behind closed doors (now that is a neat trick -

A lot of headlines in media are Hollywoodised by these two words - pronounced dead.  First shot then pronounced dead.  Or he was later pronounced dead.  After arriving at the hospital with multiple gun shot wounds he was pronounced dead.  DOA is another way to pronounce this. What is weird is before they can spell check or learn proper English and pronunciation they hasten to shoot the subject then do all the pronouncing.  May be grammar was not their strong suit in school. Something is going on.  If they keep doing this then they will eventually stop pronouncing altogether.  Just shoot then shoot some more.  If someone asks for something by way of pronouncements shoot some more. How's that for a pronouncement? I pronounce you HUSBAND and WIFE... really - what if he did not take lessons in school - would he have trouble pronouncing? I mean who hired this jackass anyway? Its like another peeve I have -  this other word in English that is an antonym of itself - COMMUTE.

You find what you need?  I mean my grocery store clerks are getting all philosophical on me.  I walked in last night for some 2% milk (rest was water - I know what a scam) and as I step up to pay - this high schooler with a name tag that said Samantha or Amber or some sap from a tree, wearing a rubber band and beads on her wrist goes - 'so did you find everything?'  I was in the middle of a new story idea to blog about so I experimented with her.  About the idea I mean and she totally got rattled.   I told her I was among other things looking for intelligent life. Another thing I have been observing in society is females who have this rubber band on their wrist and never know whether to wrap it around their hair that is oozing out of their skull or keep it on their wrist.  They seem to fidget with it in meetings and conversations.  I am not sure what's going on there.  I mean no other accessory gets this treatment - there is no one twirling their purse or wallet on thei

Make that birds.  Pigeons and gulls no less.  There is a theory about being bird brained as being smarter than most humans think and I think there is something to it. So it was with amusement that I watched the lowly gulls go about their morning defecation on the scores of executive types waiting to catch their shuttle bus from a local train station to their important jobs to make the world a better place. It is amazing that a person's ego can be deflated so fast and permanently that people will actually reconsider their commute choices as a result of avian bowel habits.  When you see all those idiots with bagged doggy poop walking behind their four legged domesticated animal you have to wonder about where we go next.  Maybe we just give in entirely and start living with the animals right there on the street and raising a leg when the moment comes to relieve ourselves. Do it right in the middle of a Macy's shopping extravaganza as we caress the next generation of foamy

These two words were quite mysterious, growing up or when I first started understanding the English language.  Also my growth (as it were) amidst a bunch of relatives that had an occupation that involved printing literature in the local newsmedia added to the puzzle. Who had to stop and what did they press?  Of course the realization that 'Press' meant anyone from the news organization (at least at that time) or a journalist of some kind impressed me with the idea that stopping them during their runabouts was not a smart thing to do. If you see a frenzied journo the last thing you want to do is get in their way.  You will be the one that gets pressed much akin to being gored by a bull during the inhuman sporting practice followed by people in Northern Spain.  They call it running with the bulls.  Now who has more sense in the melee that follows is debatable but you get the idea. Anyway the reason for the title and the long preamble to the main message is that STOP PRESS i