Skip to main content

Tree

Apple just announced a major restructuring.  Tim Cook himself along with rants from Ahrends and a Cue from Eddie cooked up this idea over the last six months that Apple stock took a beating and broke the news in a classic midnight event hosted at their new Star Wars campus in Cupertino.

The new organization will be called Tree.  This tree will bear many new fruit along with other existing fruits, Apple being the biggest.  Smaller fruits will include berries like the recent acquisition bombshell of making Blackberry one of the fruit on the Tree.

This drove the Apple stock price skyhigh that the Tree started looking more like a Redwood rather than a fruiting variety.  To ensure alignment with this newfound image Cook than roasted Oracle's goose and acquired all of Redwood Shores where Oracle is housed (along with Redwood City with plans to also eventually acquire Palo Alto and surrounding real estate).  Larry's Lanai acquisition merely looks like a condo in comparison to the Apple move.  When you got billions show it.

Therefore the Tree now has its World HQ in two places like a banyan tree has roots all over the place, one in Star Wars campus in Cupertino, CA and the other in Redwood Shores, CA.

Representatives of Golden, Murugan and Openyammer were at hand as the financial wizards that unlocked share holder value.  Large amounts of fanfare and candles and fireworks followed this announcement along with the lighting of the Diya (Indian oil lamp) by the newly anointed CEO (another bombshell - not to be confused with prior fireworks) to compete with the South Indian invasion in all things tech.

This new dude hails from Kerala - the other south Indian state who had not seen their representation in America's tech leadership.  His name - Bahubali Ganesan.

A graduate of 'A School I did not go to' he has been an exemplary leader in all aspects of fruit rearing and a supplementary degree from France in agriculture adds to his charisma.

He leads a Gandhian lifestyle with no interest in being the face of Apple and is reportedly media shy - another reason why no one has heard of this force in the dark.

Tim will primarily be cyclist in chief - helping newly hired interns learn the street maps (of the newly released Apple campus Map) on a cycle, which will be battery operated and give Musk nightmares.  This will ensure a work life balance for Tim who is a fitness freak.  Balance is also very important for riding bicycles.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Of Jims and Johns

Here is another essay on the subject of first names. As in birth names. Or names provided to an offspring at birth. While the developed world tends to shy away from the exotic like Refrigerator or Coca Cola for their new production there is a plethora of Jims and Johns and Bobs or Robs. Speaking of which I do not think there is a categoric decision point at the time of birth if a child will be hereafter called as Bob. I mean have not yet met a toddler called Bob or Rob for that matter. At some point though the parental instinct to mouth out multiple syllables runs out and they switch from calling the crawler Robert to simply Robbie to Rob. Now speaking of - it is strange that the name sounds like something you would not want Rob to do - i.e. Rob anyone. Then why call someone that? After all Rob Peter to Pay Paul is not exactly a maxim to live a young life? Is it? Perhaps Peter or Paul might want to have a say in it? Then there is this matter of going to the John. Why degrad...

You are important to us

Followed by piano music.   Followed by 'we are experiencing heavier than usual call volume'.  Sounds macabre like bleeding during menstruation or after a ghastly attack with a weapon on a hemophiliac.  Sorry Mrs. Johnson but it appears little Gertrude here has been bleeding heavier than usual what with her night time activities competing with the woodchucks in your neighborhood. Some services even go as far as to pick a random day to say - 'if you were to call us during the Chinese lunar month when the moon is axiomatically hugging the polar star with Jupiter intravenous when call volume is light'.  Well I will be damned.  I thought  I had checked with my astrologer before I placed this well focused call but  I guess this is what you get for listening to a quack. Umph! I am not sure which marketing genius came up with this personal touch concept of informing the caller that you are really a jackass for actually calling the customer serv...

Presumptive Society

Today's world is hyper connected.  I am not so sure what it means but you hear it a lot.  It is probably hyper but not sure how connected it is.  Sugar (fermented or not) is available in many ways than before and so getting hyper is easy.  It is probably more a threat than cocaine since it is sold legally. And what is this connected stuff?  Most people I encounter seem disconnected from reality.  So going back to this assumption that we are connected there are subtle and no so subtle instances of how brands and companies and middle men try to portray someone - A linkedin profile for somebody working for X years at a place advertises to the connected network that so and so is CELEBRATING X years @ Such and Such Inc. Do we know if (s)he is celebrating or cringing?  Perhaps a better way to portray will be - So and So LASTED X years @ such & such inc. Then it exhorts the readership to go ahead and congratulate them for this lasting effe...