Skip to main content

Out of Office

OOO messages can be written with a certain flair and show the creative side of the outstanding (As in out) candidates. Most are boring with recommendation to contact other less unfortunate sods to deal with the mess the Outbound person left behind. But what if this person was Rajat Gupta? Or Bernie or Rajaratnam? Or someone in their advanced age that is checking out for a while? How would those messages look like? This grave question boggles my mind as I read of the shenanigans of the unfortunate top 1% that inhabit the Wall and surrounding floors. There is just no ceiling to what a man can do you see. So here is a creative outburst that someone who gets thrown in the slammer might want to pilfer - they are sometimes good at that. Hi All - You know the damndest thing happened yesterday. I was not ready for it by any means. I have to be Out of the Office for the next couple of years. That's right - TWO years give or take. Lots of you gave and I took but that is beside the point. So you may be aware I was on trial? It was indeed like they were trying me out. To see what I would do. To see what they would do. What I want to stress (I am not stressed but you get the point) is that finally the damned leaks ended the trial. I mean I do not use a diaper and all but you know the leaks I am talking about? You don't do you? See that is what we told the judge that there were not any but he refused to believe. Be that as it may I am now going to get a chance to observe and reflect on my next two years - I am told there are some real works of art here too - not French or Greek sounding but more like Bubba and 89 cents and the like. Even the prison they say is called Sing Sing. Work load will be different for sure - I am told they let us stamp out your license plates. Any one have any special requests? Eh eh.. not that I can guarantee any thing. So more importantly since I am gone a while (and frankly no guarantee of future results and all) I suggest yall take matters in your own hands - whether to leak or not, whether to quit, beg, borrow or steal. Make the most of it folks. Yours truly... newly minted jailbird.
Labels:

Comments

  1. RajendraOctober 25, 2012 at 7:04 PM

    You may want to add -"I am out of office, at least, you are not, if you are calling/sending me messages."

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

But What If We're Wrong?

I attempted to read this book by author Chuck Klosterman backward to forward but it started hurting my brain so I decided to stop and do it like any other publication in the English language.  Start from page 1 and move to the right. Witty, caustic and thought provoking this is a book you want to read if you believe that the status quo might, just might be wrong. At times bordering on being contrarian about most things around us it tries to zero in on the notion of what makes anything believable and certain in our minds.  The fact that there is a fact itself is ironic.  Something analogous to the idea that you can never predict the future because there is no future. Many books and movies have tried to play on this concept - best that I recollect (I think I am) was 'The Truman Show'.  This book by Klosterman attempts to provoke the reader to at least contemplate that what they think they know may be wrong. He uses examples like concept of gravity, and how it ...
2 comments
Read more

You are important to us

Followed by piano music.   Followed by 'we are experiencing heavier than usual call volume'.  Sounds macabre like bleeding during menstruation or after a ghastly attack with a weapon on a hemophiliac.  Sorry Mrs. Johnson but it appears little Gertrude here has been bleeding heavier than usual what with her night time activities competing with the woodchucks in your neighborhood. Some services even go as far as to pick a random day to say - 'if you were to call us during the Chinese lunar month when the moon is axiomatically hugging the polar star with Jupiter intravenous when call volume is light'.  Well I will be damned.  I thought  I had checked with my astrologer before I placed this well focused call but  I guess this is what you get for listening to a quack. Umph! I am not sure which marketing genius came up with this personal touch concept of informing the caller that you are really a jackass for actually calling the customer serv...
Post a Comment
Read more

Of Jims and Johns

Here is another essay on the subject of first names. As in birth names. Or names provided to an offspring at birth. While the developed world tends to shy away from the exotic like Refrigerator or Coca Cola for their new production there is a plethora of Jims and Johns and Bobs or Robs. Speaking of which I do not think there is a categoric decision point at the time of birth if a child will be hereafter called as Bob. I mean have not yet met a toddler called Bob or Rob for that matter. At some point though the parental instinct to mouth out multiple syllables runs out and they switch from calling the crawler Robert to simply Robbie to Rob. Now speaking of - it is strange that the name sounds like something you would not want Rob to do - i.e. Rob anyone. Then why call someone that? After all Rob Peter to Pay Paul is not exactly a maxim to live a young life? Is it? Perhaps Peter or Paul might want to have a say in it? Then there is this matter of going to the John. Why degrad...
2 comments
Read more