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No one is driving

In headline news it was observed that American's had stopped driving for an entire minute and a half at all traffic lights in the country.

This phenomenon was attributed to the widespread use of cell phones that allow people to text each other and research symptoms of Goiter and Mumps as well as watch exciting YouTube videos of squirrels mating all while in their vehicle attempting to transport themselves somewhere.

It was brought to the media's attention that all of a sudden there was complete silence that lasted so long that birds fell out of the sky.  They were likely distracted by this sudden change that took their auditory system by surprise.

People it was reported were all focused on their device and no one realized the light had turned green.  So no one left their spot until one driver in Purdue, IN literally got hit with one of the avian items falling in his lap (he had his convertible roof open) that startled him out of his research on erectile malfunction related to excessive consumption of light beer.

In other noteworthy events Trump realized that his wig had come off during one of his debates and was talking back to him.  After his most recent appearance on national television it apparently had lost it.

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