Brown Motion

Than any other place on earth.  Except maybe a sporting goods store.  We are not discussing the new discovery of some complicated chemical formula or a cojones extravaganza or even a birth defect. Maybe it is after all the latter. I want to review the transformation of the American workplace. What? Ya. How you ask? Aside from the ball-scratching cooks in the vicinity of a kitchen that Tony Bourdain might elaborate on I believe that the new age employee seems to be ever so fascinated by ball play. So much that it has become de rigueur (I had to look up this goofy French phrase that has been bandied around by the Anglo populace) to include a variety of indoor sports equipment in the workplace. Billiard and pool tables to pong (and ping), golf balls with a rug and sticks and a whole host of ball based activities are now commonplace in the work hallways of Silicon Alley.  Larger dimension balls such as the foot (long along the axis) ball are also thrown around ...

UnLess.  Well unless you do not know what to do with more.  More of what?  Well for starters another yo yo woke up and announced in a monthly mag that Americans are now waking up to this amazing context.  Spend less you will save more.  More to the point his thesis more or less points to how the natives are eating less meat.  Leaving more in their bank and not to mention more animals grazing instead of being slaughtered. His argument is about how its healthier alternative which in turn is less trips to the doctor and more time to bask in the sunshine of which there is an abundance due to global warming.  May I be the voice of reason and say that the warming is a trend largely aided by all the cow farts that are now - you guessed it - not being eaten (the fart generators not the farts you dolt). There was once the Bra Less trend that women in particular decided would work to advertise their plight or some such and to this day there is marketing and...

News readers are some of the lowliest of us.  They basically read a screen called prompter verbatim.  Sometimes they are not awake and they read whatever they want.  Sometimes they have never heard that word before and they make up shit. An example of this dumb read it as you see it is when they announce to the world that somewhere in Boonseville a traffic light is malfunctioning and the police (mind you it has to come from the authorities) have asked people to treat it as a four way stop. Four way stop refers to a street crossing another street where all vehicles approaching the intersection  from the four directions are required to make a full stop at the stop sign.  But to use that phrase willy nilly without considering if the situation warrants it is where I get annoyed.  What if it is a T junction?  Then there are no four way stops.  How do you handle this situation now? What if there are more than two streets crossing at that light? ...

I had an epiphany in light of the Divided Airlines story that has been dragged and kicked more than a dead equine deserves. I have registered a new business which essentially constitutes a website (and app of course) titled Overbook.com.  It will strictly seek out those flights and routes that are routinely overbooked and try to get members a seat on those flights.  Especially if you have no intention of flying.  It is required though that the ticket holder /member make themselves available on that assigned day and date at the port of departure.  Base memberships start at $100 a month.  Once at the airport our gold ($200 per mth) and platinum ($300 per mth) members also get a free Uber to the nearest dollar store to stock on supplies like chewing gum or floss.  Platinum dudes or dudettes get a free Burger too.  Fries extra.  Cost of ticket not included in any membership level. Once back at gate you proceed to travel as one would, excep...

We use too many words and phrases with too many words. I propose a simpler approach. 1.  He heard it from the horse's mouth.  If your mind is fertile enough to make the leap that a horse can speak English then why qualify with 'mouth'?  Where else is he gonna speak from?  So next time just say you heard it from the horse. 2.  It is an old wive's tale - what?  Again people overlook the obvious and blatantly blab.  Let us simply refer to this as - it is the wife.  Why abuse the age and we know everything they utter is somewhat of a tale. 3.  In for a penny, in for a pound - drivel I say.  First of all there are no sane people who know what a penny is.  Even diehard J C Penney fans know their days are numbered.   So phrases with no concept of current reality should be removed entirely from modern language. 4.  Seeing the forest for the trees.   Or not seeing?  See again it is unclear what we should see li...

A phrase circa late 1980s demanding the removal of a reinforced cement concrete barrier.  This was a demand made by an American to a Russian in Germany where both were guests.  The American was a former Hollywood actor called Ronald and the latter a Siberian communist.  Not sure what was going on there. But some capitalists stateside seem to have taken that phrase to new heights.  I am referring to the conversion of the old cubicle based office arrangements to the one favored by a new breed of employee we shall call 'Yuppie'. Yuppies are folks that went to (in a way of using the broadest brush available) arts colleges that were advertised as liberal (another mysterious definition if you ask me) and showed up to the interview process demanding they get hired.  Capitalists being opportunistic identified early that the aforementioned young men and women were in search of free food and non stop mingling, therefore while making arrangements to feed them they als...

The retards of social will recognize the phrase as one of many used to solicit clicks and meaningless trolling of the internet to ogle at faces or simply gape at what other people are up to. So in high spirits I send out this world wide communique to ask those that are doing nothing but scratching their unmentionables while clicking on bait to congratulate me for the below accomplishments - Occupying this planet without dying for four decades - that is right - it was my birthday today - which as matter of another perspective says I managed to not kill myself - for another year - again - that is definitely worthy of thumbs up and loads of one word comments such as Congrats! I have managed to survive at my meaningless job for a decade - and not kill myself.  Congrats again!  How do you do it - could you write a book?  Please?  There is a whole gamut of organisms yearning to learn. I have been reluctant to post pictures of myself - but what if I said I was hot ...