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  • Woman dies after plane makes emergency landing - The woman in question was found dead on a sofa in her home when she was half way through a 8 oz bag of Cheetos.  Cause determined by the ME office was cardiac arrest.  The emergency landing of the plane seems to have taken place about the same time in a town 20 miles from the sofa where she died.  Investigators are still putting the exact timeline together to see if the landing took place before or after she consumed the fateful Cheeto.  Current Vegas bets are on 'after landing'.
  • Mercury to pass in front of Sun in a rare event - Apparently the event will be so rare that most folks on earth might likely not even see it.  Some will be in the dark - literally and for some the weather may not cooperate but the public is encouraged to believe in all the astronomical claims made by their tax dollar supported space exploration organization.

  • Rain dampens opening of farmers market - The rain which viewers claim was coming in sheets at around 33 degree angle made it all the way into the soft wooden arches that serve as the opening through which to welcome visitors to the market.  The arches succumbed to the driving rain water and got damp in the process.

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  1. What about Trump the hillarious, emperor of all comedy?

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