Skip to main content

Was Jesus Chinese?

Today is April 1.  It is also Easter Sunday.

What better time than today to discuss what may have been.  As in where did Jesus come from?  More importantly where did Jesus go?  And then where did he come back from?  What is the meaning of the word 'Easter'?

Such vexing questions are answered in the recent archeological digs in Beijing.  Now for those uneducated about what that is - it is the capital of China a large country in Asia.  Formerly called Peking it is where today's culinary delight like Peking Duck was born.  Not the actual duck which perished long ago but the name of the dish.

Now my readings of the archeological findings suggest that Easter comes from the fact that Jesus in fact was reborn on this Sunday (there was a Wi Fi enabled clock that was found in the digs showing the day stuck on Sunday 0/0/0000)  as well as some holy DNA found near a cave in Beijing (not to mention that there are still some holes in the theory).

To the uninformed Beijing is East of Jerusalem (Jesus' first abode).  Hence the phrase Easter Sunday.  Hence credence to the fact that Jesus was by second birth basically Chinese.

There has been debate on whether he actually had gone from Jerusalem and made his way all the way to Peking in 3 days but considering they had wifi back then although spotty (part of the reason he left the cave) suggests they also had high speed transport along the former wooded route (later called the Silk Road) where he found some duck to eat. So that suggests the bunny idea is a mere marketing ploy crafted by Hershey and Nestle to dupe the modern day kids and sell all the chocolate that they made after they stole the cacao pods from Africa.

In fact some crackpot researchers have gone on to doubt and debate the Peking idea suggesting in fact he made it to Kiev which is due north of Jerusalem (blaming it on a bad compass when Jesus in fact wanted to go east- after all that is where Buddha came from and he wanted to go learn his ideas).  Kiev is capital of modern Ukraine.  He therefore it claims feasted on Chicken Kiev another folklore dish popular today.  Again no bunnies.

That said it is confirmed that the bunny and Easter associations are false and that Jesus certainly was a Mandarin speaker.

Then again this could all be an April Fool's joke?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Of Jims and Johns

Here is another essay on the subject of first names. As in birth names. Or names provided to an offspring at birth. While the developed world tends to shy away from the exotic like Refrigerator or Coca Cola for their new production there is a plethora of Jims and Johns and Bobs or Robs. Speaking of which I do not think there is a categoric decision point at the time of birth if a child will be hereafter called as Bob. I mean have not yet met a toddler called Bob or Rob for that matter. At some point though the parental instinct to mouth out multiple syllables runs out and they switch from calling the crawler Robert to simply Robbie to Rob. Now speaking of - it is strange that the name sounds like something you would not want Rob to do - i.e. Rob anyone. Then why call someone that? After all Rob Peter to Pay Paul is not exactly a maxim to live a young life? Is it? Perhaps Peter or Paul might want to have a say in it? Then there is this matter of going to the John. Why degrad...
2 comments
Read more

But What If We're Wrong?

I attempted to read this book by author Chuck Klosterman backward to forward but it started hurting my brain so I decided to stop and do it like any other publication in the English language.  Start from page 1 and move to the right. Witty, caustic and thought provoking this is a book you want to read if you believe that the status quo might, just might be wrong. At times bordering on being contrarian about most things around us it tries to zero in on the notion of what makes anything believable and certain in our minds.  The fact that there is a fact itself is ironic.  Something analogous to the idea that you can never predict the future because there is no future. Many books and movies have tried to play on this concept - best that I recollect (I think I am) was 'The Truman Show'.  This book by Klosterman attempts to provoke the reader to at least contemplate that what they think they know may be wrong. He uses examples like concept of gravity, and how it ...
2 comments
Read more

Presumptive Society

Today's world is hyper connected.  I am not so sure what it means but you hear it a lot.  It is probably hyper but not sure how connected it is.  Sugar (fermented or not) is available in many ways than before and so getting hyper is easy.  It is probably more a threat than cocaine since it is sold legally. And what is this connected stuff?  Most people I encounter seem disconnected from reality.  So going back to this assumption that we are connected there are subtle and no so subtle instances of how brands and companies and middle men try to portray someone - A linkedin profile for somebody working for X years at a place advertises to the connected network that so and so is CELEBRATING X years @ Such and Such Inc. Do we know if (s)he is celebrating or cringing?  Perhaps a better way to portray will be - So and So LASTED X years @ such & such inc. Then it exhorts the readership to go ahead and congratulate them for this lasting effe...
2 comments
Read more