Selling the promise of higher education in brand name campuses is now reached level of maturity where the sheep are drawn to the slaughter house with a simple email invite.
Marketing costs have come way down. Asians (by that largely Chinese and Indian ex pat) will arrive in droves to seminars hosted on school property with a Chinese speaker who may have a couple of female lackeys putting up a powerpoint to walk through. The pitch is asking the lost souls to sign up for 1 on 1 consulting for their child in exchange for mucho dinero.
Note this is touted as a legit way to gain access to top tier schools without going to jail or forking out large gobs of cash as donations.
Mere mention that the founder had something to do with an Ivy League brand (might as well have done some obscure week long management training course) will draw out the hyper anxious parents wanting to better their children's lives.
While the parental motivation may be real the path chosen is oft misguided and reeks of desperation. We recently saw a similar ad in a local PTA newsletter and I decided to attend to get some blog material.
True to form the event hosted in local school had to be moved outside (as winds picked up and it got progressively colder) since the custodian of the facility was nowhere to be found. Ergo the room stayed locked. To top it off the audience while representative of the above mentioned demographic (not by restricted targeting but by sheer demographic overabundance) contained non Mandarin speaking Indians. But the material was largely in Mandarin. No matter. The speaker assured people that they will speak in English. How's that for service? Really?
By the way hold on for half hour (no apologies needed here suckers) since we are setting up a pop up projection screen. Ready with outdoor equipment they launched into their spiel 45 min behind schedule.
Then comes the tiny print stats that one could get via Google if one knew what to look for. Heavy emphasis on your attempts to get full scores on standardized test and 5 GPA are not enough. With a heavy Chinese accent and a non working clicker the show still went on to say that the speaker has the experience to guide your kid's resume to showcase what needs to be highlighted for an admission officer.
Turns out that was the kill slide - we ensure your kid is sent on select charity or humanitarian missions in Bangladesh or China which will help write the winning essay. Where with the help of a couple of pictures of your scrawny, eyeglass wearing kid digging holes for latrines or something in the impoverished region, along with a declared mission to improve our planet captured in the tag line of their resume is guaranteed to be in consideration for a spot at top five Universities.
Other non Asian snake oil salesman have tried this trick by saying they will find that one unique skill that your child has (and absolutely hated through school), like playing a Bassoon (who?) and pitch that as their unique differentiator. LOL!
Eat that you non participating, clueless peer group - we know how its done!
And did we say its a win win? I get tens of thousands from you without a promise that your ward might actually get into their dream school but the fact that you started paying us when your kid entered fourth grade (no kidding) is going to be the best decision you numskull parent ever made. There is now Hope.
Marketing costs have come way down. Asians (by that largely Chinese and Indian ex pat) will arrive in droves to seminars hosted on school property with a Chinese speaker who may have a couple of female lackeys putting up a powerpoint to walk through. The pitch is asking the lost souls to sign up for 1 on 1 consulting for their child in exchange for mucho dinero.
Note this is touted as a legit way to gain access to top tier schools without going to jail or forking out large gobs of cash as donations.
Mere mention that the founder had something to do with an Ivy League brand (might as well have done some obscure week long management training course) will draw out the hyper anxious parents wanting to better their children's lives.
While the parental motivation may be real the path chosen is oft misguided and reeks of desperation. We recently saw a similar ad in a local PTA newsletter and I decided to attend to get some blog material.
True to form the event hosted in local school had to be moved outside (as winds picked up and it got progressively colder) since the custodian of the facility was nowhere to be found. Ergo the room stayed locked. To top it off the audience while representative of the above mentioned demographic (not by restricted targeting but by sheer demographic overabundance) contained non Mandarin speaking Indians. But the material was largely in Mandarin. No matter. The speaker assured people that they will speak in English. How's that for service? Really?
By the way hold on for half hour (no apologies needed here suckers) since we are setting up a pop up projection screen. Ready with outdoor equipment they launched into their spiel 45 min behind schedule.
Then comes the tiny print stats that one could get via Google if one knew what to look for. Heavy emphasis on your attempts to get full scores on standardized test and 5 GPA are not enough. With a heavy Chinese accent and a non working clicker the show still went on to say that the speaker has the experience to guide your kid's resume to showcase what needs to be highlighted for an admission officer.
Turns out that was the kill slide - we ensure your kid is sent on select charity or humanitarian missions in Bangladesh or China which will help write the winning essay. Where with the help of a couple of pictures of your scrawny, eyeglass wearing kid digging holes for latrines or something in the impoverished region, along with a declared mission to improve our planet captured in the tag line of their resume is guaranteed to be in consideration for a spot at top five Universities.
Other non Asian snake oil salesman have tried this trick by saying they will find that one unique skill that your child has (and absolutely hated through school), like playing a Bassoon (who?) and pitch that as their unique differentiator. LOL!
Eat that you non participating, clueless peer group - we know how its done!
And did we say its a win win? I get tens of thousands from you without a promise that your ward might actually get into their dream school but the fact that you started paying us when your kid entered fourth grade (no kidding) is going to be the best decision you numskull parent ever made. There is now Hope.
Comments
Post a Comment