Of Jims and Johns

Here is another essay on the subject of first names. As in birth names. Or names provided to an offspring at birth. While the developed world tends to shy away from the exotic like Refrigerator or Coca Cola for their new production there is a plethora of Jims and Johns and Bobs or Robs. Speaking of which I do not think there is a categoric decision point at the time of birth if a child will be hereafter called as Bob. I mean have not yet met a toddler called Bob or Rob for that matter. At some point though the parental instinct to mouth out multiple syllables runs out and they switch from calling the crawler Robert to simply Robbie to Rob. Now speaking of - it is strange that the name sounds like something you would not want Rob to do - i.e. Rob anyone. Then why call someone that? After all Rob Peter to Pay Paul is not exactly a maxim to live a young life? Is it? Perhaps Peter or Paul might want to have a say in it? Then there is this matter of going to the John. Why degrade the Johns by bringing it to a HEAD? I mean what's with equating John to a urine disposal facility? Perhaps there is then a question of why people go to the Gym and not to the JIM? Who gets to arbitrarily decide how to address or spell what? I know what is easy, but you get the point. What would happen if you flipped John with Jim? Would it be more appealing to your date that you visit the Jim few times a day or vice versa? Not Jim visiting you but you visiting John. Get it. Stay with me please. Then there is the popular Mike. Which could all have started as Michael or new variants like Mikel but sounds very much like something you hold on to to sound loud. I know of a few soft speaking Mikes. How come? The best is still when Charles turns into something throwable - I mean Chuck? Really? I am just documenting what I see for posterity so don't call me a Jackass. My name is not Jack!