Embracing Myself

I have decided it is time to take self admiration to a whole new level.  After all living in Silicon Valley it is how you see yourself that sells oneself.

Some of the retarded philosophies I have heard and seen to date include -

• Liking yourself on Fakebook and other social formats.
• Having your spouse exclaim that you are hot or looking hot or that by boiling an egg you are so close to achieving a PhD in thermodynamics.
• Having your spouse that lives with you also make some obvious and not so obvious comments about yourself (like how he/she has put up with you for over eight years of marriage even with the daily dose of farts) that might give the average fakebooker an impression that there is something really cool about yourself that was hitherto unknown to the world.  Like being almost close to obtaining a degree in thermodynamics.
• Get recommendations and made up felicitations on other social sites from random colleagues by returning their favor even if you forgot when the two of you actually met.
• Act like you own it or dress like who you want to be and not who you are.  (PS: At this rate I will cease to have a wardrobe)

Now all this I have seen.  Here is how I propose to elevate the game -

• Host my own open house of my own house and then time my walk in with other interested parties and loudly exclaim (to no one person in particular) in an admirable tone and demeanor how you like what the owners have done with the place.  Even if the place reeks of a week old dosa or goat curry with the floor stains to prove it.
• Speak intelligently about the purchases in a grocery store with the cashier and describe how I am a close to award winning chef as described by my own spouse and how you carefully let the milk simmer before adding the cardamom to it (although cardamom is not on the list of purchases, neither the milk).  All this while holding up the line enough to let the next few guests know about my hidden talents.  Finally mention to no one in particular that you are close to signing a deal with Pirelli Tires company to start awarding 'donuts' for amazing in house food establishments.  Michelin is passe.
• Before boarding the plane hold the line and speak with the stewardess, hanging just inside the plane in loud tones about her fashion sense and ask her to come by to see you when she is done ushering the other useless flying public so you can give her tips about how not to wear makeup.  Exclaim that you were once integral part of the cosmetic strategies for the household.

And finally while doing any or all of the above, please please make sure that you have the flu so it goes viral.