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Soul cycle

Disclosure - The author has a massive ass and does not own a bicycle.  I however do own a pair of running shoes which I use for walking.  I have walked enough to have fully depreciated the asset's value and they still seem to have their SOLE intact.
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You can cycle by buying a cycle and using it.  Which would mean taking to the streets in your neighborhood and pedaling.  For the excessively adventurous and larger carbon footprint mode one would attach it to a guzzler of an RV and take it to some remote woods to unleash the magic of a chain and sprocket enabled appliance.

Regardless this entails having the holistic idea of enjoying the breeze in your face or the unlikely hailstorm if the weather did not cooperate.  It might in China or India mean a constant onslaught of toxic fumes now moving at higher mph rate than if one was walking.

The so called first world like America or Canada one thinks might not have the toxicity problem.  But some fear there is a city problem.  As in traffic.  Errant other contraptions powered by batteries including those pesky humans who seem to walk everywhere.  How is one to bicycle?

Enter Soul Cycle.

Two ladies - apparently of an entrepreneurial bent timed it right.  They run and manage a chain of what are called studios.  Mind you calling something that it is not enhances the ego of those inclined to feel important when stuck in a sweat shop.  What?  So these so called studios are all the rage from NY to Hollywood.  Every college grad with a job and largely female is bee lining into these studios it would appear like it was selling the secret to longevity.  At a minimum it promotes without actually promising anything a Lululemon worthy ass.  Did I mention what a Lululemon is?  It is a separate yogini scam run out of Canada that allows elitist clientele to buy expensive pants to wear to ego filled rooms like Soulcycle.

Inside a Soulcycle room you essentially strap yourself into a stationary bike and start pedaling along with many like minded denizens who instantly begin sweating.  Because the rooms are hot.  The ambience as one might not imagine includes a person yelling at you from their perch atop a similar stationary bike with a microphone attached to their mouth like an out of place fast food server.  This followed by ethno contempo DJisque music completes the setup.

Depending on your place in the crowded room with bikes you might end up staring at someone's early stage large ass that is hoping to drop 80 pounds by following the drive through (I mean drive in place) instructors ideas.

By the way there is evidence that none of these techniques actually do anything for your health or Soul other than ensure you have a steady drain Cycle on your wallet at $35 a pop.

Comments

  1. my journey to the front row of my soulcycle classes was wildly inspired by being crop-dusted by one of those large asses you're referring to...

    ReplyDelete

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