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More dimwit news

Another week - another series of hilarious content that passes off as NEWS!

1. Madoff's (those crooks that wiped the slate clean for many a greedy dolt and MADE OFF) attempted suicide (failed miserably apparently - since they did not buy and follow the instructions in the SUICIDE FOR DUMMIES tome which was available on clearance (at 40% off) since they thought it was a rip off). Perhaps some other fellow bumpkins can take one on one lessons on how not to screw up during the most fantastic part of their lives at the last minute? Can we do a 61 minutes episode on this perhaps?

2. British Royals changed the rules on passing down the crown to include females. Ouch - now here we had Kate prepping with drugs to crank out a series of handsome lads and ding the taxpayers - but again all in vain. Or perhaps she realized the drug companies were doing false advertising?

3. Joblessness in America and a vapid Scott Pelly or Kelly or something is constantly wandering the nation pushing his stupid microphone in the face of people who realized their 401k had vanished and they were thrown out on the street since the promised scratch your ass and we will pay you job now had suddenly vanished. Well guess what Scott - you do not innovate - you die!
Another episode of blame the government then blame the republicans then blame the democrats then blame the neighbors and then occupy any vacant spot in any major metro and scratch your bum!

4. Dogs and squirrels and other nuisance causing creatures shot with BB guns and the brouhaha around how this could happen - even more fancy and meriting a national news mention is a story on a black cat that traveled from Denver to NY or some such lunacy and now is worth discussing during supper.

5. Then came some dimwit half drugged partially retarded sort of movie business personality getting thrown out of AA then out of jail then getting jailed again and now going NUDE! For MONEY! This is headlines people - we need all we can get.

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