Polishing my Resume

You want to hire me? You need what? Of course my Viralstatistics. I mean Vitalstatistix.. ahem too much Obelix - you meant Curriculum Vitae? First of all I do not know Latin - I am not sure if it is something that one should know about - no one speaks it for starters and Apple does not even offer it as a Language Option on any of its devices. Except for some doofuses who want to prove that they went to school and use an occasional word, I am not sure why we bother. But that is veering too far from the purpose of this blog which is to clean up my image for those that will behold it in the future. I say clean because some might say its tarnished..well partly because the paper they give me in Sing Sing is not the best and this 2B pencil keeps breaking. 'Bobby the Snob' was also found cleaning his orifices with the point y'day. Pardon the smudge on my CV. Why I am in and not out is because this one acquisition we did was based on my hot dudette spilling the beans over coffee and Kahlua. In ordinary circumstance it would make for a nice bitter finish but there were just too many beans. Some say it was unfair - meaning its the dark side of Wall street. Ah well once you are always in the spot light you tend to crave the dark side. More coffee and Kahlua. I used to be a star banker on Wall street - I was not 'on' the street but somewhere near it - mostly high above it talking 'on' the phone a lot. Sipping expensive Italian sounding bitter beverages from recyclable paper cups that went in to the trash. No mine were clean - they were just trashed - not recycled. So getting back to what I did - you see I merged and acquired things..mostly businesses that needed merging and acquiring - sometimes they didn't but we did it anyway - got paid lots of moolah - which we did not know what to do with. One funny thing - have not been able to acquire a spouse - simply have not found a merging of the minds. But getting back to my Vitals - prior to the merging business I sort of went to Harvard - met a few cool dudes and hot dudettes too. Some were aspiring to get into politics while some were intent on making match making websites. They all killed - I mean made tons more moolah than I ever did. Then before I could actually finish my course I was picked by this firm to come and firm up their business.. that was my first merger. From then on I kept merging - on the street and off. Too much traffic heading to Connecticut - can't stay in one lane too long. That is the long and short of it..so if you are thinking of hiring me - Caveat Emptor!