The Idiot's Guide

Now that title itself is a Yossarian oxymoron. If you are an idiot a guide is not going to help. Idiocy is innate. Be that as it may, millions of these books claiming to help people from running a computer to putting up a dry wall are purchased every year. Perhaps by the idiots being they are ignorant of what they might find in it. If they really knew what they were looking for they would not be idiots and hence would not need the book. So there. On the subject of being an idiot they come in all colors, races, from varying geographies (hey CIA you should compile a compendium of most idiotic denizens per sq mile by country in your next ranking of terror prone cities) and exhibit their symptoms in daily life. Here then are a few possible reactions you might see on the road - lets take a metropolis in California for example. If you clock an hour's worth of traffic you will see 30% Caucasian Americans, 30% Chinese (Americans) and 30% Indian (Americans - the newly minted not the native kind, the latter I think go by American Indians) drivers; the balance being made of Hispanic and Black drivers (Any race ommission is partly the fault of the idiotic blogger and cannot be construed as a purposeful intent of eliminating the contestants). Using the pareto law 80% of these drivers are idiots and leave it to the remaining 20% to get out of their way. So the first American Idiot that drives to a Red Light and spots the 'NO TURN ON RED' sign would keep staring at the sign even if his kid beat the crap out of his sibling with a baseball bat. He did not want to TURN (to perhaps admonish the beater) till the light went green (he can always seek more idiotic advice from a lawya on how to sue the CalTrans for misleading signage or seek out an 'Idiots guide to file frivolous lawsuits' later). The Chinese idiot would promptly go home and burn the Red Negligee he had picked up for his significant Chinese friend as he interpreted it to say NO 'TURN ON' RED. All those hard earned dollars wasted (May be that is why their political party uses a Red Flag? Focus people). The Indian idiot is a class apart - while driving he does not mix up other activities like reading signs etc.. he ignores all and runs through the lights and heads straight home to read his copy of the Idiot's Guide to Driving. Next up - they come by a 'Children's Hospital Turn Here' Sign - The American driver slows down and wonders if it is legal for child labor to work at hospitals. The Chinese driver cannot understand why its the hospital's turn and not his for whatever it is a turn for. The Indian idiot as usual blows past at full tilt to get home to read his idiot's guide. Lastly we come by the 'SLOW WHEN CHILDREN PRESENT' sign and the idiotic American wonders why his children would be on the road and not beating each other in the car with a baseball bat. The Chinese man wonders what would be slow if children were to be present and the Indian on the off chance reads the sign and again zooms off since he does NOT LIKE what the CHILDREN have to Present.