Flight Hospitals

I have a proposal to get more efficiency out of two semi retarded operations that are being funded by tax payer dollars. Subsidized hospitals and city airports. How about we just combine the two? Call it Hospiports. That way we know to expect less hospitality and maybe a port to get the heck out of Dodge. There already are flight kitchens...now add a hospital. I say get that pace maker checked before you fly. The reason for this is simple. Off late the TSA (the ones that watch you strip and go through X-rays) much like the doc at the office, or hospital is taking on more of a clinical role in your fellow passanger's well being. They have been known to collect saliva swabs or samples at random from guests minding their own business at the airport and may soon be asking you to pee in a cup. I say why not bundle all your chores at the hospiport? Annual physical and a round trip to St. Louis brought to you by your local stew-nurses. Just arrive early and make sure you do not drink before arriving or bring any drinks on board. That way after we have extracted all the needed fluids out of you (including tossing perfectly good drinking water bottles) we can ask for your kind donations and provide very expensive coke on board (the liquid kind) to send you on your way. Thank you for your commitment to a healthy and safe community! Your results will be made available with your boarding pass or in the event of a completed flight we would have them beamed to your mobile device as you arrive at your final destination.